In a world of toxic masculinity, this is how I’m raising my sons to be good men

Mental-health advocate Blake Johnston is known for holding the world record for the longest continuous surf, which he achieved in 2023 to raise awareness and money for charity. Here, the 43-year-old talks about how he and his wife Lauren are raising their two boys, and how his father’s battle with mental illness has informed his life.

My maternal grandmother, Bessie, loved her cigarettes. She was sweet and very good to my grandfather, Ian. She adored him, and that was special to see. My mum, Sandy, was pretty close to her.

My dad, Wayne, was a builder who renovated houses, so we moved around a lot. When I was a baby, we lived with my grandparents for a while in Cronulla, Sydney, where I grew up. Nan was always cooking and provided a comforting home for us.

I’m a lot like Mum in that I’m sensitive and empathetic. She’s very loving and selfless. We didn’t have a lot when I was growing up, but Mum always made my four brothers and me feel so loved and special.

I was 31 when Dad committed suicide. He had a medical condition that severely affected his mental health. Mum’s gone through every emotion since — anger, loneliness, and isolation. Family is everything to her.

After Dad’s death, my older brother, Ben, and I drifted apart. Mum’s grief will never disappear, but she knows all five of her sons love her.

I had a few relationships in school, but I wasn’t that interested for the first two decades of my life; I was dedicated to surfing. I first went on a surfboard with Dad when I was four.

When I was around 13, Layne Beachley, who later became a seven-time world champion, and I crossed paths at a Quiksilver training camp. The camp was physically demanding, but Layne was killing it. She was one of only two girls present but had this determination and focus that obviously paid off.

My first celebrity crush was Cameron Diaz. I remember seeing her in the 1998 movie *There’s Something About Mary*. Her smile lit up a room.

I went to the Year 10 formal with Chantelle, a girl I had a crush on. She never liked me back; rather, it was convenient for her.

My first serious relationship was at 17, when I met Laura at the beach. She was finishing high school and was so easy-going. I spoiled her with gifts and took her to Hawaii. She wanted to go to London after graduating, and our breakup was tough.

I was 19 when I met Ash. Her family was involved in the local surf scene. Ash had just finished Year 12, and we spent a year together. She wanted to focus on her career and again my heart was broken.

From that point on, I spent more time with my mates. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when Lauren, who’s now my wife, showed up.

Lauren was finishing a marketing degree and preparing for a corporate career. She was petite, blonde, and full of positive energy — my dream girl. We got along so well and respected each other. I fell in love pretty quickly.

I constantly do things that show Lauren I love her. I buy flowers and make sure she knows how appreciated and awesome she is.

Lauren is an outstanding mum to our boys, Bobby, 13, and Duke, 10.

With social media and the rise of toxic masculinity, it’s a difficult time for boys and young men regarding how to treat women. It’s not a sit-down lesson; it’s how I consistently treat Lauren.

In 2023, I set the world record for the longest continuous surf and raised $500,000 for mental health charities. Being in the water for 40 hours, I felt both elated and frustrated. But there were dark times, too, as I reflected on my whole life — what happened with my dad, and not making it as a pro surfer.

Lauren was with me the whole way. She continued to run our surf school and hardly slept. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but upon exiting the water, my beautiful wife was the first person I saw. To see her there was so powerful.

Without Lauren, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

*Swellbeing* (Hachette Australia) by Blake Johnston is out September 30.
https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/in-a-world-of-toxic-masculinity-this-is-how-i-m-raising-my-sons-to-be-good-men-20250901-p5mre4.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed